It doesn’t matter who you are, at least once in your life you’ve thought to yourself ‘man, I wish I had a goth girlfriend’. It’s okay to admit that. We’ve all been there, in fact sometimes I’ve caught myself thinking it when I’m doing something as small as putting my laundry away. It’s the kind of thought that never leaves. Thankfully, after doing some research and with many arguments with my loved ones about the difference between ‘goth’ and ’emo’ (we’ve still not figured it out), I’ve managed to compile a list of the top 5 goth girlfriends in video games. You’re welcome.
Though be warned, there will be spoilers.
1) Morrigan – Dragon Age
Absolutely the goth girlfriend who you would never let your parents meet. Morrigan previously lived in a swamp with her mother, Flemeth before she joins your party as a companion. You could argue that this makes Morrigan a lot like Shrek, but we’re here to discuss how Morrigan is a goth girlfriend, so we’ll talk about that at another time.
The first time you meet Morrigan in Dragon Age, she’s actually hanging out in the Kocari Wilds which reeks of death, destruction and darkspawn. While not the most romantic setting, we’re pretty sure Mary Shelley would be proud that players could potentially meet the love of their life in a place that’s practically a graveyard for any poor fool who wonders in there.
If you’re not convinced of Morrigan’s gothic nature, we implore you to reconsider after hearing this fact: during the end of the game Morrigan actually performs a sacrifice that lets the soul of a tainted god enter her womb if you have sex with her.
God Morrigan, BioWare made you so edgy.
2) Abigail – Stardew Valley
Okay so, unlike Morrigan, you probably can take Abigail home to meet your parents. As long as they, uh, don’t let her see any rocks. You see, Abigail is so damn metal that if your character presents her with a rock she’ll grab the ‘delicious’ treat, shove it in her mouth and chew without breaking eye contact. Then, once she’s done, she’ll thank you for that loving meal you’ve mined out of the ground a few hours before. Morrigan, who?
In all seriousness, Abigail is a fantastic goth girlfriend who confesses she likes you in one of the most creepiest ways imaginable. That’s right, through a Ouji board. Sure the scene is very cute, but I’m a superstitious person who would run a mile if my crush suddenly whipped out a ouji board and asked if we could play with it together. On one hand, I could get possessed but on the other hand it would probably impress them enough that we’d go on a date…Man, making decisions is so hard.
Speaking of dates, there is a scene where Abigail and you meet at a graveyard. Again, kinda cute and kinda creepy. But hey, Abigail is really lovely and she has fantastic hair. What isn’t there to like about that?
3) Jeanette Voerman – Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines
Vampire The Masquerade has to be one of the most gothic games known to man. It has everything, a nightlife that’s alluring and dangerous and characters that are likely to kiss and then kill you. Jeanette Voerman is one of those characters and boy, is she going to ruin your life in the best way.
You meet Jeanette at her own nightclub, Asylum where she instantly flirts with the main character no matter their gender. She’s very nice, and if you play your cards right you have the opportunity to get closer to her. Getting closer can mean a lot of things: sex or board games and sometimes even both. Personally? The board games seemed more fun at the time, but you do you.
Despite Vampire The Masquerade’s questionable storyline with her, Jeanette is a fascinating character and you should check her and her board game collection out! Seriously!
4) Amanda Evert – Tomb Raider
Alright so I’m cheating with this one, because unfortunately no matter how much you may wish it into existence, you’re unable to smooch Amanda Evert. It sucks, but it’s to be expected since Lara kind of left her to die. Sure it wasn’t her fault, being trapped away from her friend with no possible way of reaching her. But still, it’s pretty terrible.
Though, in a way we should be thanking Lara for leaving Amanda behind. If it wasn’t for Lara, Amanda wouldn’t have turned into a Goth in the first place, and then where would we get our goth girlfriends? But in all seriousness, I was pretty sad Lara and Amanda didn’t kiss and make up, especially as Amanda is such an interesting character. Sure, she wants to shoot you, but that’s just sacrifice you’ve got to make sometimes, isn’t it? You are a Tomb Raider, after all.
Either way, Amanda is a fascinating character and definitely is 10/10 on the Goth meter.
5) Serena – Skyrim: Dawnguard DLC
Is it classed as cheating if I include TWO vampire girls on this list? I mean, there’s no rules against it, is there? And Serana is pretty damn goth if you ask me. So, whatever, she’s on the list and you’ll just have to get used to it.
For those who don’t know, Serana is kind of a BIG DEAL. She’s the daughter to Lord Harkon, who is one of the most powerful vampires around and can easily punch you to Oblivion (haha, pun intended) if you look at him the wrong way. And isn’t that just the most Gothic thing? Coming from a long line of Goths? Man, Serana is so hardcore. And adorable, so very adorable.
If you don’t believe me, wait until I tell you she’s a necromancer. Oh yeah, you better believe it. Unlike Abigail, who just uses the dead to tell her crushes she likes them, Serana actually controls the dead and uses them to help you both in combat. You snooze, you lose, Abigail you rock-eater, you.